Been long since i last blogged, yet instead of updating on interesting and informative stuff, im here to rant... i planned on blogging after my sch year ends, which is like 2.5wks later... yet someone and something just made me incredibly upset that i just need to let it out...
My day has been relatively smooth and in fact great! All that i wanna do today is done, even the weather is to my advantage, despite raining in the morning, during my shoot the sun was out and the lighting was great... seriously, i should've known... me being me, wouldnt be so lucky... but this is seriously too much...
readers of my blog and close friends of mine should know that even though i've moved into my Marsiling apartment for close to 2 years, i still don't feel a sense of belonging to my "home" and that in fact i really detest living here... having a luggage packed with necessities just by the door and still having unpacked boxes lying around in my room tells it all... the only thing that keeps me from moving into my nick's house and that makes me come home everyday is my room... im really satisfied with it... definitely suits me better than the one in my previous apartment as obviously, the one before was for an adolescent... my current room was solely designed and decorated by me... from the furniture to wiring of appliances to basic stuff like planning where i should put my power sockets have been carefully planned and calculated by me... it's not a project that im done with but an ongoing one to building my perfect room... like one building their perfect home through years... with the addition of my projector and curtains that match my walls, i was really pleased and decided to blog bout it when my sch year ends... now, my plans have to be pushed back until further notice... here's why...
when i got back to my empty home, i immediately head for my room in need for comfort to mask the emptiness... opened my door, stepped in and screamed my head off... this might seem really dumb for many but i literally feel like my world came crashing down on me and all i wanted to do was sit down and cry... first problem... my room reeked of smoke, as in cigarette smoke... im nt very particular bout how my room should smell but i always have scented candle lit at night... and at times my perfume that im wearing on that day would linger until i come home... so i can safely say that i always return to a room that is pleasantly scented... not many can sympathize with this problem, but seriously, for one with asthma and who hates smokers, this really piss me off... and fyi i dun friggin smoke, the only smoker living under the same roof is my father... so yup culprit... but of cos im not that dense as to kick up a big fuss cos of just this situation... there's more...
problem 2... after trying to get over the smell ordeal, came the sight ordeal... my music player was mounted onto the wall beside my bed... so my father, whom fyi I'm not on speaking terms with since the start of 2012 (shan't elaborate about this as that's another long topic) decided to out of the blue be nice to me by helping me put up and wire my player, that I've kept in a box since i've moved, when im not home... the thing is! it's place in the middle of nowhere... no scratch that, it's not even in the middle, it's like a brainless position... like imagine a wall split it into 5 parts... the player is in the 3rd section -_- seriously who does that?!? i dun see him hanging his wedding photo 3/5 on his wall... why my player 3/5 on mine?!? i see no possible reason really... and the wall that the player's on right now is like indented 2 inch inwards... meaning theres a protruding wall frame on the ends of my bed... common sense would probe someone to align the player next to the edge of the protruding wall frame... i wouldnt have been this bothered if he put it on either ends of my bed next to the frame... but no he chose to put it 3/5 of the wall -_- this is not mentioning my plans for where i want the player to be... ive already planned this out even before i moved into the house... the first time i stepped into my "future" room... i had to plan where i wanted the power sockets to be at... and i deliberately placed one on the protruding wall frame thingy at the end of my bed closest to the wall behind my bed so that i can wire my projector (which at that pt i havent buy yet thought bout it) and my player there... so as to convenient when my laptop is connected to both for viewing and hearing... PLUS! the loose wires can be hidden behind my bed, no messy wires lying around... AND! i wanted a shelf or long cabinet beside my player to put my books that i read before i sleep... make sense?!? all these planning going on before i even move into my house... told my father bout it before, and of cos, he wasnt paying attention, nt to mention give a damn to rmbr... and so "amazingly" decided that he shall make the sun set in the east today by putting up the player FOR ME 3/5 on my wall which is firstly, unpleasant looking cos of it's placement... secondly, leaving wires hanging out everywhere... thirdly caused inconvenience when im connecting my laptop to my projector as well as to my player cos i have to pull the cable all across my bed diagonally, which makes no sense... cos i have to sit or lie on the wire somehow and not to mention, my cable isnt long enuff... which means! right now i cant connect both at the same time even if my laptop is like in the middle of my bed, obstructing where i'll be sitting or lying when watching a movie -_- fourth... where am i gonna put a shelf now if my player is 3/4 on my wall?!? ok ok... breathe V breathe...
i really dunno if i should be happy or what... im sure that's the desired effect, but i also wonder why he wants me to feel that way since we arent on speaking terms, just simply minding our own business for months... and of cos, im nt happy bout it... he could've at least gave me a heads up before drilling 2 holes in my wall and hanging it up rite? now ive gotta take it down, mend the hole with some cement and repaint it, which would prolly still look weird after all the repairing... then put the player back up at the desired spot and at the same time throw his supposed "good intentions" out the window by being "not appreciative" for what he's doing for me -_- after so many years of having the player, i still love it... aesthetically... yet it become an eyesore now.. i can't even bring myself to look at it for even a minute at it's current spot... im currently backfacing it btw... not only did it ruin how i think about it, it ruined the entire aesthetics of my room... sticking out like a sore thumb... so not gonna update about how my room looks like until i got it in place and mend the holes and paint it... so much unnecessary work that shouldnt even exist in the first place... URGH!!!
problem 3... im really particular bout the placement of my stuff... im nt a neat freak but things that i place where they are are for reasons and of cos, i need to remember where they are when i need them... and i really hate it when ppl do something yet don't finish up what they're doing and leave things hanging... so the problem that i saw next was the curtain that's a supposed "door" of my wardrobe was open and that my clothes were sloppily being pushed around on the rod... firstly i always keep the curtains close... and i hate it whenever my mum leave it open after borrowing my clothes... i should've saw it coming when i saw my player on the wall as the player was originally still in a box that was shoved at the back of my wardrobe beneath my lower rod of clothes... so yea, i guess my father messed up my clothes while trying to take out the box beneath them -_- but well this is minor as compared to other crap happening in my room... a little shove here there and a little pull fixed it up... similarly, father decided that he needed some place to put his drill and stuff while working on the mounting of my player... so he shove all the stuff that were neatly placed on my table beside my bed aside and left his drill and other screw stuff on it -_- leaving a big mess... talk about big mess, comes problem 4...
problem 4... drilling causes cement dust to scatter in it's vicinity... common sense would say to cover the vicinity with a cloth or newspaper... guess what i've found... if it were the cloth or newspaper, i would be thankful... but nope none found, only found a huge grey patch on my bed... meaning! my bed wasnt covered,,, and the dust particles are all on my bed... leaving the area grey!!! omg!!! breathe V breathe... right now, while im typing, the patch is definitely still there... which means that rather than doing my homework, i'll have to vacuum my bed!!! somebody just shoot me!!! and yes i wanted to scream at my father... but guess what... my father is nowhere to be found, in fact, no one is home right now for me to scream at... i reckon he just drop his tools at hand conveniently on my table and went out to golf or horse race gambling or whatever shit he always do with his friends...
problem 5... being a bookworm, and since im suffering from insomnia lately, i read before i sleep or at times when i wake up in wee hours and can't fall back to sleep... hence i leave several books and magazines on my bed... it was supposedly at that spot where the grey patch is right now... and guess what... the cover of the first book on top of my pile of books and magazine was gravely dog eared!!! im one that is very careful with my books and magazine... years old books would still have perfect binding cos i do not open my books that wide that it would harm the binding or create small gaps in between.. even though i often forget where i read till, and i don't own bookmarks... i never ever dog ear my pages... yet obviously something happened during the mounting process and the cover of my book was dog eared like into half diagonally... not a small one... HALF!!! leaving a white line on the black cover!!! it's the 2nd book in a trilogy!!! *faint* now im gonna send the entire collection to the salvation army or children's home or anything after im done reading it... there goes my money...
i would understand if some of you who are reading this dun get why im so upset... and many would think that im really anal bout little stuff... im not gonna deny it... and i actually agree... im anal only to things that concern me... im always strict with myself, a perfectionist in things that i do... and all these are unacceptable... seriously, my father has this ever building thing going on since forever.. perhaps cos he studies architecture and was once in the business as well as constructing, he's always passionate bout fixing this that here there... i never meddle with the shit he does to destroy the beauty of our house constantly cos well, it's his house... who am i to say anything right... but seriously, sidenote, stuff that he fix are really nonsensical... like a tower rack in our kitchen wall at the walkway to put spices and onions and garlic and such yet below the rack he places the trashcan there -_- like err... food to eat near the trash?!? seriously?!? yup those kinda stupid thingy... not to mention it hinders one when walking futher into the kitchen... AND! it looks horrible! i always say that his way of "decorating" the house is turning the entire house into how a storeroom should look like... and it happens constantly, whenever he's home, he just gotta find something to fix... nothing faulty add and build new things to destroy the house further... very nice... NOT! but well, who am i to judge his "creativity"? so long as he doesnt meddle with my room, my personal creative space, im fine... so this incident really burnt the last straw for me... no scratch that, it aint the last straw, but it's a big deal that the entire haystack caught fire and nothing's left...
i was so upset that i called nick... asking him to help me get a few spray paint, cans of beer and bottles of cheap wine... asked me why and told him that i wanted to graffiti my parents room as well as pour alcohol all over so that it'll reek... of cos, nick being nick didnt obliged... seriously i was THAT angry! im so angry that i wanted to lit his room on fire with his own friggin lighter he used to lit the cigarette he was smoking in my room... goddamnit... but well nick calmed me down by reminding me that it's also my mum's room too... which is true... so i went on to telling him that i might really take on his offer of staying at his place instead... the offer has been on for years... we both are single now so no complications, we both don't mind, he lives alone and with spare rooms, kiddo clo and gang always sleepover at his when they're in SG, we've been so close that i already have clothes at his house for years, all that's needed is to call him to come drive me to his, grab my luggage and just go down and wait for him... even though he stays in woodlands too, which is irritating... it's actually not a bad idea... my last reason to stay home is gone anw, and im tired just by thinking how im gonna fix this shit... it's as tho im living alone anw since nobody's ever at home however late i hang out outside... at least we'll keep each other company if we're living tgt... i can even bring my baby over too since nick love dogs... only prob is that i probably cnt slp for weeks... since i can't move my bed there -_- urgh frustrated!
i hate this! a slap in the face that however nicely decorated a home is, it isnt a home if it's always empty... rakes up the past of how i use to never go home since no one's ever there in my secondary school days... then, i could go without sleep for days... and work night after night... fun times at work too... majority of my sleep time takes place in school, no wonder time in school passed by in a blur, living me with not much of a memory of lesson time cos im always aslp... haixx im still mad frustrated right now... im gonna leave this post as it is... dun really bother bout how im gonna end this... why bother when i can't even figure out what am i gonna do to this mess my father made in my room...
thanks father... thanks... -_-
