anw the relapse gave me a "memory relapse" too... it brot me bak to days whr i was reali sickly due to it... i had to pull tru slpless nites... n my mum had to pei me watch tv... haha... cos i couldnt fall aslp due to it n was lyk complainin... so my mum wud accompany me in the livin rm... hopin the television could distract me... causin me to feel beta... n she wud fall aslp on the couch... haha xin ku ni le o... las tym i oso v evil... i knew tt my mum was aslp... but mayb cos i hate the feelin of being alone den ba... so i wud shi bu shi call out "mummy u still awake anot"... haha... she wud den wake up n say shes awake... so cute lo... but of cos i knew she was slpin... but somehow tt made me feel beta... evil but tru...
but as i grew older... i no longer lyk to tell peeps bout it... thr were even nitex whr i wud have to "suffer in silence"... haha souns wierd... but i wud hv to avoid wrds to prevent sum1 from guessin... haha... bak to story... i wud rather stay up myself n try to control it rather than waking my mum... causin a hassle... and i am not afraid of bein alone le... yay! haha... but i became a liar... a liar whom wud lie tt im fine bout it... tt its a small ting... but at least it made me stronger... as in physically... i've improved... realy... n tis illness wud not come "visit" me tt often le... i tink its lyk a psychological tingy ba.... lyk if u tink u can u can tt type... its not tru but it hlps...
oya i rmbr thr was once whr i had to bring tis machine home from the docs... i had to sit by it... receive the treatment everyday ba... cnt reali rmbr... dun wan to either... n i dun have cancer!!! whoever tinkin bout it now... go bang the wall la... haha... but anw tt tym... it was excruciatin too... it made me feel that i was such a weaklin... IM NOT OKAY!!!
so now for the majoy clue... i'll describe the process of havin the relapse...
it feels lyk the air froze...
all was quiet and only heavy breathing can be heard...
it feels lyk as though im being strangled...
cut off from air supply...
but no matter how hard i struggle... or plead...
the monster jz wun let go...
all i can do was to endure...
waitin for it to vanish into thin air...
but stil... the wait was excruciatin...
especially wen i had to endure it alone...
as i grew older... i learnt tt it wasnt so scary aftr all...
all i had to do was to be in control of myself...
be it by distractin or calmin myself down... stil... its a way...
gradually the duration between visits turn shorter...
and i became complacent...
throwing away "weapons" tt i used to use against it...
hate the feelin of grabbin on to the "weapons" so tightly...
wif trembling hands...
it makes me feel lyk im sum sort of drug addict...
desperate for it...
Unfortunately, it stil came back...
thus i gave up all tots of strugglin...
jz waitin for it to go away...
not leavin ani evidence behind...
im positive its cumin bak for me later...
once again i wud hv to endure the excrutiatin process alone...
*this aint a poem... y wud i rite such a bad poem... tis aint a story either... i can do better... tis is jz phrases of tots runnin tru my head den...
o well... so much for the emo entry... Sam, its super obvious la... n rmbr ur promise!!! :)
and those hu noe bout it... keep mum kkaes? dun discuss it ovr the tagboard... onegai... arigatou...
DAMN THAT STUPID MONSTER!!! HAHA
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