finally im here to blog~ it's been a long time eh? wanted to blog when sem ends... or on my bday next yr when i turn 18 :p strictly speakin, i've only one week of sch left... then self preparation for assessment... mine's on the 25nov... wish me luck!!!
honestly i can't rmbr all that i wanted to blog about :p i'll just rant whatever is on my mind then... pardon me...
well as many should noe... school has been crazy!!! sleepless nights are the worst!!! rushing deadlines... accomplishing works... then more deadlines... and more works... it's just never ending! and i heard that from next yr onwards... foundation yr is gonna be 2 yrs instead of 1 cos the workload is alot! and tt workshops should be of a longer time... even tho i wish workshops can have more time to churn out a good product be it a video clip or a photoshopped poster... im thankful that im the last batch for the 1 yr thing... it also means that i must nt fail and retain! if i were to... choy la! i will be doin foundation for 3 yrs... GOD!!! i wont fail!!! HAHA so yea... lots of sleepless nights... coke has once again became my good friend... so much for kicking the habit eh? but no matter what i thought the worst has gotta be travelling... 2 hrs to travel to sch is really no joke... not to mention the same duration back home... it's super tiring!!! how i wish i drive~ or there's someone to drive me to and fro :p i wish~ *smack myself in the face* stop dreaming V*
Even though sch's been crazy, it's still a hella fun!!! met amazing lecturers and even though there are some irritating ppl too... they're really not worth my time la~ :p but yea lecturers are awesome! especially when all of mine are part time... they're so cool~ one is even a professional ballroom dancer... he's always champion at dance sport event! cool or what?!? but i hate the subject he's teaching... 3d... always cause me sleepless nights doing all sorts of 3d shit! seriously shit!!! and i even got selected for an exhibition in acm -_- wonder how i did it... 3d's not my thing... he's a masters holder in interior design~ ballroom dancer doing interior... haha weird combi! young and has this "fanclub" by his fangirls who thinks he's hot -_- i don't really think so tho :p but anw he really pissed me off when we were randomly chatting why dancers tend to date dancers... his answer was that cos dancers have no life!!! it's only school and dance studio -_- even though ones i've dated in the past are dancers... but their from other crews damnit!!! the one without a life is you dude!!! HAHA!!! totally ticked him off in class~ bleh :p and adding on to this... he's really childish! his fangirls think it's cute... but i beg to differ... thus im not in the fanclub DUH! but i really appreciate it when he wrote this small note to me telling me to dance on! THX DUDE!
so anw since alot of sch work is about oneself... i come to realise that dance is like something im trying to grab onto dearly... cos i can strongly say that it's everything i ever have and without it... i wouldnt be me... there were stuff like, express yourself with 3 objects dearest to you... mine are all related to dance in some way or other... subconsciously, it's all linked to dance... and several works of mine have elements of dance... to the extent that my lecturers said it's a distinct style of mine... cool or what...
seriously, i can't imagine me without it... maybe in the future... but that thought of life without dance scares me... greatly...
to be honest... for the past two months... there has been a great prob with my back... whats new eh? but well some old ailments from 2008 came back to visit... not that it wasnt thr to start with... just that it was under control... like i still could suppress the pain... but recently the pain is so overpowering to the extent that i couldnt focus in the mid of a dance... which in turn makes me pissed of with myself, of course... and it's all on the left side of my body... the pain shoots up from my left foot to my left side of my back and at times to my neck... and it's not like my right is fine... it just hurts less... the norm la... FML big time!!! well of cos it hurts not only when dancing la... so dun even think bout asking me to give up dancing... whoever tells me that will get a dressing down from me!
miss the times when dancing is just about dancing... no restrictions no nothing... just about producing the ultimate desired outcome... no pain... just plain enjoyment... dancing with pain has been around since my sec sch years... no matter how long it has been around... i just can't grow accustom to it... neither do i grow accustom to how choreographers cater to what i can do... it sucks... im not blaming my choreographers... OMG DUH they are wonderful... it's me that im upset and angry about... maybe i just don't wanna admit to the fact that i can no longer dance like before no matter how hard i try... but i can't deny the fact that it really sucks seeing other young dancers doing stuff that i once could but no longer can...
Recently, i've really been pondering about what if i don't have any problem with my back or any other shit... will things be different? will what i wanna do in life differ? can i actually work towards the dream of joining the best ballet troop, playing the role of the ever graceful and beautiful odette that i always wished to be when i was a kid in lil ballet shoes and attire? will i be happier?
but rather than dwelling on WHAT IFS... which are totally useless given i can't turn back time neither prevent anything from happening... i can only treasure every second i have dancing... because i would never know when my most treasured would be taken away from me... no matter how reluctant i am to let go... i know someday it will... someday when either physically disallows me to or when my priorities change... but i know i'll always envy those who can keep dancing... it's definitely not easy... but i definitely admire and envy them...
speaking of envy... was at a friend's dance performance not long ago... saw this bunch of irritating dancers who were really full of themselves... yea they had the right to, given their healthy physics and great flexibility what crap... but i can't help but think that they don't deserve it!!! they were horsing around doing some dangerous shit that might injure themselves greatly... not to mention right before their performance... i can't believe how lightly they are treating their safety... it irritates me to the extent i feel like going over and give each one of them a tight slap! no self control or wateva to prevent themselves from getting injured before a perf is one thing... the most impt thing is how they don't realise they are fortunate to be given such great gifts! if only i had their body... i dun care if they suck at skill or not... if i were to wish for something... it will be to have a healthy body, one i once had... like how i always wish ppl to always stay healthy and happy eh? cos that's the most important thing in life to me... haixx these ignorant kids! RAWR!
another thing that saddens me today was how i realise i wouldnt be able to dance the last part of AHA perf... well even if i could pull it off somehow... no guy can work with me anw... well i know the risk... but yea... URGH! seriously want to try couple dance de... like how i really want to learn tango and rumba... haixx... should have done it when i was a lil girl :p TSK
just like how im thankful to that Laoshi and ZY is willing to "take me in" despite knowing my conditions... i really think that no other choreographers or organisation will dare to take me in knowing my conditions... maybe will after i sign and indemnity form or something... HAHA but well no matter how many times i try to tell myself to be satisfied that there's actually ppl who are willing to "take me in" i can't help but feel depress whenever a dance step has to be changed for my sake... or any restrictions for that matter... i wish i could apprehend the mindset of ppl who thinks the world revolves around them and live with the given attention and changes made for me, but i simply cant!!! i do not like special treatments and i believe that wateva it is, by hook or by crook, i will push myself and make it happen at the end... it just differs in the process. whether it's one which is easy for me to get through or one filled with pain, tears and frustration... two diff situations with two different outcomes... say im a masochist or wateva... but i choose the latter... so long as i produce the desired outcome... i don't mind how hard it will be... but i know all these are just unreasonable and naive thoughts...
and maybe i just wanna grab on to the tail of memories i had when i could do almost anything when it comes to dance... once again, how i wish, dance could be all just about dancing... and not about pain controlling... focusing on which part of my back and leg should i use less force as to reduce the pain but produce the same outcome and whatever crap... i'll give anything if dance could be just dance like how it used to be...
enuff of crappy thoughts... pardon me that i kept repeating all these... cos it really affects me alot no matter how hard i try to self deceive that im fine... and it's been clouding my mind today...
so, today! happy that we did precision dancing! was thinking why i like precision dancing so much... maybe it's to do with how i like unison footsteps and stuff... cos it's all about control and being PRECISE!!! duh -_- and i oso come to think that if my ballet and gym instructors were to see me dancing this... they would look at me in a diff light!!! HAHA who would have thought... the lil amateur ballerina then would evolve into this eh? too bad, i heard that they are now teaching overseas~ TSK!
and during practice today... i've got a new goal for myself... a goal that i wish to accomplish... well while looking at ZY cracking his brains, trying to come up with alternative dance steps that we could accomplish... i was wondering if he did try to make the steps easier to cater to our standards... well maybe yes maybe not... *you can tell me about it after you read this :p* so it struck me that my new goal is to reach the day when he does not need to worry about catering to our standards... the day when there isnt a need to crack his brains to come up with something easier... will be the day that we truly excel... im not trying to fan his ego yea? and i was really thinking about it at that moment of time... shared with Vian too... and her reply totally dampened my high spirits... she was like "yea... maybe in a thousand years time ba... -_-" thx arh -_- HAVE SOME FAITH WOMAN!!! HAHA!!! so yup... new goal added to my list of things to accomplish then... *pls do not tell me its pca or what crap, i'll ban you from reading my blog! or i'll just don't update :p HAHA!!! you noe i'm toking bout you~~~*
oh! i wanted to pick up ballet again, even though i know i will face many setbacks when faced with stuff that i once could do easily but now cant... i still wanna try again... to push my limit... but who would take me in?!? even if i were to hide my conditions... i can't hide it for long... it'll show anw... RAWR! vexed... sleepy... shall stop ranting here...
once again i feel that i should intro songs... and so i will~ intro songs than im listening to while blogging ba~ sad ones~ cos yea vexed right now...
introducing a male soloist that i really like... when it comes to sad ballads... Kwill!!! his voice is really really good!!! shall upload 2 songs of his that i really like!
his voice is just so sad but warm right? check out his other songs too yea? no time for me to do a full update :p
another song that i must intro~ by trax~
yup your eyes arent playing tricks on you... it's heechul from suju and victoria from f(x) in the mv~ they are all from sm.ent... so that explains~ i love the melody and lyrics of the song... i dun really fancy rock ballads... but this is an exception yea? maybe cos i like jungmo(the guitarist and genius who plays multiple instruments) from trax... keke^^ bias? maybe :p
ok then here's an extra clip of heechul singing the trax song above, for those who thinks heechul can't sing at all... well~ he's just not confident at times~ and he strains his throat voice alot... which explain why it's hoarse at times... but listen~ he can sing for sure!!! just nervous~ cos he's singing for his ideal girl- sohee of WG~ who happens to be there.. the one who can make mighty KIM HEECHUL all shy~ so cute!!!
and of cos... i just had to put in a few donghae clips to end my post nicely~ keke^^ *u guys may skip this part :p*
For those who don't get the game. Eunhyuk is suppose to sing a line of the song. Incoming callers will have to continue singing the right lyrics and the right tune... Donghae's suppose to give a dang when it's incorrect and a ding dong dang when it's right~ now watch~
Puahaha!!! Hae's epic fail with ding dong dang! didnt dang when he needed to, dang when ppl haven't even started singing and what's even more hilarious was when hyuk gave him the "out" hand gesture but he happily ding dong dang thinking the person got it right XD
HAE: "out? what's wrong? where? isnt it correct?" PUAHAHA!!! simply adorkable~~~ super adorable getting all happy and too excited because of the bell thingy... like a kid especially in that hairstyle!!! CUTE~ this is the real donghae!!! no wonder all his hyungs and dongsaengs love him! keke^^
oya! did i mention i bought the ss2 concert dvd? it's fabulous! love how Hae always dance like there's no tomorrow, as though it's the last dance, at the same time always holding onto the passion before he became a celebrity, how he always give every performance his all~ love him!!! keke^^
his self composed and choreo solo ^^
arh~ how can one be so charming?!? HAHA *pardon my fangirl moment*
personally other that this performance... i like the don't don performance the most... i thought it was a good interpretation~
even though it's not a black tank, Hae still does magic in white one~~~ *swoons* keke^^
kkaes~ that's all for today~ dunno when i'll update again but yea definitely sooner than the last wait~ keke^^ off to make a call to ZC, since i guess it's that workaholic's lunchbreak right now in LA... i need a wise old man to talk to~ HAHA he's gonna kill me if he sees this... fortunately, he dun read my blog :p he betta pick up my call!!! HAHA! nitex~
